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i'm not okay . my chemical romance |
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Wow Valentines Day is 27 days away. All of a sudden I have a weird feeling. I hate it when I get a weird feeling. Because I don't know what's going to go wrong...something always goes wrong when I get this feeling. But I hate it when people don't say the truth to your face they say it to other people...it gets so annoying I just wish people would stop tyring to protect me [which ends up hurting me in the end] and tell me the truth to my face! I mean write me a letter call me or meet me up some where to tell me. Don't sit and tell my other friends and I hear it by rumor...I hate that. Don't lie to me and tell me things and then I hear something totally different from your best friend...I hate that. And this song isn't helping me either...well there's two songs. Here are the lyrics:
The Truth . Good Charlotte
So here we are
We are alone
There’s weight on your mind
And I wanna know
The truth, if this is how you feel
Say it to me
If this was ever real
I want the truth from you
Give me the truth, even if it hurts me
I want the truth from you
Give me the truth, even if it hurts me
I want the truth
So this is you
You're talking to me
You found a million ways to let me down
So I'm not hurt when you're not around
I was blind
But now I see
This is how you feel
Just say it to me
If this was ever real
I want the truth from you
Give me the truth, even if it hurts me
I want the truth from you
Give me the truth, even if it hurts me
I know that this will break me
I know that this might make me cry
You gotta say what’s on your mind
On your mind
I know that this will hurt me
Break my heart and soul inside
I don’t wanna live this lie
I want the truth from you
Give me the truth, even if it hurts me
I want the truth from you
Give me the truth, even if it hurts
I don’t care no more, no
Just give me the truth, give me the truth
Cause I don’t care no more
Give me the truth
Cause I don’t care no more, no
Just give me the truth
Give me the truth
Give me the truth
Give me the truth
Give me the truth
Cause I don’t care no more, no
I'm Not Okay . My Chemical Romance
Well if you wanted honesty, that's all you had to say.
I never want to let you down or have you go, it's better off this way.
For all the dirty looks, the photographs your boyfriend took,
Remember when you broke your foot from jumping out the second floor?
I'm not okay
I'm not okay
I'm not okay
You wear me out
What will it take to show you that it's not the life it seems?
(I'm not okay)
I told you time and time again you sing the words but don't know what it means
(I'm not okay)
To be a joke and look, another line without a hook
I held you close as we both shook for the last time take a good hard look!
I'm not okay
I'm not okay
I'm not okay
You wear me out
Forget about the dirty looks
The photographs your boyfriend took
You said you read me like a book, but the pages are all torn and frayed
I'm okay
I'm okay!
I'm okay, now
(I'm okay, now)
But you really need to listen to me
Because I'm telling you the truth
I mean this, I'm okay!
(Trust Me)
I'm not okay
I'm not okay
Well, I'm not okay
I'm not o-fucking-kay
I'm not okay
I'm not okay
(Okay)
Yea...okay. Anyways, there's a mistake I made...I want to undo it. But I'm scared I can't. I'm always screwing up though. I can never do anything right. As soon as something starts going good for me I think it's too good to be true and I run away because I'm scared of getting hurt. When I start to care about someone I run away because I know if I care about them then that means they can hurt me. So I hide the truth with lies and no body except me knows the truth. I don't know why I do this...I guess it's because of my past with people. I've always ended up getting hurt...so now I run away before that can happen. I'm such a horrible person. And it seems like I can never make up my mind with someone because I'm struggling to hide the truth that only I know. If the truth got out about a lot of stuff I'd be mortified...like I seem to put up a tough act...like I have it all together but I'm scared if people saw me cry..if they knew half the stuff then they'd hurt me and see how vonerable [is that spelled right?] I am. Or if they knew how confused I get about myself sometimes they'd do god knows what. Then I have this hate for myself...some people know it...some don't. I just hate myeself...for so many reasons. And right now...I'm so scared, because I'm pouring my heart out into the world, one that has scared me most of my life, and I know that by doing this I can be broken even more. And hardly anyone knows...I'm scared to die...but then again...I'm not. I don't know what to do...life seems so hard sometimes. It's like...life is the kid at the top of the ant hill with the magnafying glass and I'm just a little ant. Maybe I deserve everything thats happened. Maybe I'm made to be hurt. Maybe I'm made to cry so many tears, and I'm meant to be affraid of so many people, so many things. I may say I didn't goto school because I'm sick...but I'm not. I'm just sick of myself, and sick of facing another day...putting on a fake smile for everyone to see. I can't cry at home because my mom gets worried...and I can't cry at school because people ask whats wrong and my teachers call my mom. I hate having people who never talk to me regularly asking me why I'm crying...like I'm suppose to just spill it all to a stranger. Excuse me but thats what I have a counsular for...he's my complete stranger to confess to. The problem is there's too much to confess. I just give up. I surrender. You can break me. Have your way.
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xlifesxrejectx's journal
determined
depressed
calm
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